I keep using the term “adulthood” likes it’s a generic term to categorize a distinctly separate time after my 18th birthday. I know that childhood, the preteens, and the teens had goods and bads. Intense moments of pride and happiness could be crushed by moments of anxiety and doubt, moments of self-hatred. In a lot of ways my adult life is distinctly separate from my youth. I am more confident, more comfortable, more excited to be a part of this world. I turn to my blog, Love More, Enjoy More, now, after months of not posting, to share that I feel the more in my life. And guess what? More is awesome and thrilling and confusing.
I knew I was going to like the real world.
But as much as the real world is different from my childhood, life, my life, will be a roller coaster from the beginning to the end. I have a job now. Day in, day out I work hard and have fun…for now. Last night, I finished my week with 50+ hours. I don’t regret it at all, but during the evenings when I got home, I felt tired emotionally and physically. My feelings reminded me of those moments of doubt that my high school and even college self experienced.
Everyone’s lives, from infancy to death, are a series of ups and downs, shiny moments and dim ones. I had almost convinced myself that I was just better at being an adult than I was at being a child. I forgot that being an adult will be hard sometimes. I forgot this because during the summer, I stayed busy with old friends, listening to their experiences, sharing drinks, over thinking things and remembering high school. Some of the most interesting and fun nights of my life have happened in the past few months. Now, it’s settled down. My life has settled down on a couple of levels, and I realize that acknowledging the “more” in life takes a huge amount of energy and emotional stamina.
I am tired, and I feel like I’m on the edge of something sad. I like completing To Do lists. I like reading. I like singing. I like taking photos. So, I make time for those. When I feel lonely, I go out with my friends and we hope we find something new to entertain us. I openly tell them that I’m in a funk and they share their remedies with me. I write. I post on my blog. It helps me remember who I am and what I love. It reminds me what I’m capable of accomplishing, and keeps me focused on what is important.
I’m back! Or at least, my blogger voice is back.