Currently Reading: I read salt. by Nayyirah Waheed in February. Waheed is an Instagram poet that published a couple of collections of poems. I really relate to her words and style.  She’s fiercly feminist and tough on white people, but so many of the poems were really helpful to me last month. I’m also still working on The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. I’m flip it open every now and then. I need to finish it, and crack open something new.

Currently Singing: Worst In Me by Julia Michaels.

Currently Watching: Bojack Horseman and Cheers. I’m on the last season of Cheers which is very sad.

Currently Loving: Coming home to my own home and a happy dog who misses me.

Currently Celebrating: It’s Lent, and I’m doing a very bad job at being Lenten. I’ve been meatless every Friday, but I prefer to take up some routine or ritual that is reflective or good. I still haven’t thought of something.

Currently Thinking: I’m currently preoccupied with the house projects I still need to do.

  1. Sand and finish the hardwood floors.
  2. Take measurements of the kitchen and attempt to design my “dream floor plan.”
  3. Remove/throw away the old furniture and junk that the previous owner left in the house.
  4. Get the workout/studio room in a functional state.
  5. Put shades or curtains on the kitchen windows.
  6. Buy a couch and chairs.
  7. Clean the upstairs.

Currently Worrying: That I need to start saving for a newer car. I could definitely drive mine longer, but I’m worried something else will be wrong with it tomorrow. I’ve put almost as much into it as I paid for it – of course it wasn’t that expensive. My plan is to hang on for a little while and build a savings. I think if I hold out and wait for something to happen, I will at least be comfortable making the decision to buy a newer one.


pride and hurting

How can you watch someone you love hurt over and over again and not hurt? How do you continue to love someone whose values don’t align with yours at all? How do you acknowledge the person that they are and accept that they are no longer your friend? How do you tell someone you love that in order to be who they need you to be, you have to remove yourself from them? How do you wrap your head around their decisions and let them go?

2017 year in review

1.What one event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren about?
Getting my ACL reconstructed and hobbling around on crutches.

2.If you had to describe your 2017 in 3 words, what would they be?
Busy, productive, revealing.

3.What new things did you discover about yourself?
I’m capable of swerving around awkward situations a lot better than I used to be. Turns out, if you actually have to converse with people, you learn some things.

4.What single achievement are you most proud of?
I found a house and put an offer on it and purchased it.

5.What was the best news you received?
My answer last year: I got a raise. My answer this year: I got a raise.

6.What was your favorite place that you visited in 2017?
I think it was seeing my friend Nancy in NJ.  We hadn’t seen each other in awhile, and it was a joy to be together again.

7.Which of your personal qualities turned out to be the most helpful this year?

Patience. I injured my knee, and after waiting months for it to heal, I finally had the MRI and found out I would need surgery.

8.Who was your number one go-to person that you could always rely on?
My mama.

9.Which new skills did you learn?
I’ve been cooking a few different things.

10.What, or who, are you most thankful for?
I’m immensely grateful to my Mom for encouraging me to buy my house.

11.If someone wrote a book about your life in 2017, what kind of genre would it be? A comedy, love story, drama, film noir or something else?
Unfortunately, I think it would be a stupid ABC Family drama. I had a lot of shit going on with my sister/roommate. We still aren’t on good terms.

12.What was the most important lesson you learned in 2017?
For most of 2017, I was very happy. I didn’t feel quite so lost. Life happened to me, but it was good. There were tears and stresses and weight gain and weight loss and fights, but I think I’m learning how to be happy and fulfilled.

13.Which mental block(s) did you overcome?
Physical Therapy was mostly a mental exercise. There were so many times when the therapist told me to do something, and I had to think so much just to do it. I think the knee surgery, overall, was the most mentally taxing experience of the year. I was off work and trying to relearn how to walk and not eat my feelings and not do things that would mess up the healing process.

14.What 5 people did you most enjoy spending time with?
Nora, Nancy, Rachel, Rachael… my bar regulars.

15.What was your biggest break-through moment career-wise?
I had a really great review that resulted in an acknowledgment of all I do at the company, and I felt really encouraged.

16.How did your relationship to your family evolve?
I spent a lot of nights with my niece. Between working and watching her, I didn’t go out that much. My sister and I put a lot of strain on our relationship while living together. I had hoped to move out in 2017, but didn’t until 2018. I still have a long road ahead as far as mending that relationship. My brother got married so now he’s off living his life. My parents and I still get along really well.

17.What book or movie affected your life in a profound way?
I read a book called Keeping Faith that was very good. I wouldn’t say that it affected my life in a profound way. I really should blog more so that I can remember these things.

18.What was your favorite compliment that you received this year?
I get a lot of compliments while tending bar. One of the older guys in the least creepy way possible (I swear) told me I look “sophisticated and sexy” in my glasses. That still makes me laugh… my mom said the same thing about my glasses. Another of the older guys said I’m very pleasant, level-headed, and intelligent. I wish I could remember any other compliments that were a little more meaningful, but I have really enjoyed working at the club.

19.What little things did you most enjoy during your day-to-day life?
Witnessing Nora learn all her words. Good meals. Good coffee.

20.What cool things did you create this year?
I painted a bunch of pieces to do a show at the local gallery. I hope to have a little studio space in my house soon.

21.What was your most common mental state this year (e.g. excited, curious, stressed)?
I was pretty chill most of 2017. I sort of just rolled with everything. I planned a couple of trips. I applied for a coaching job and then I found out about needing surgery. Then my car needed more work.

22.Was there anything you did for the very first time in your life this year?
Had major surgery.

23.What was your favorite moment spent with your friends?
Seeing Anastasia on Broadway with Nancy.

24.What major goal did you lay the foundations for?
The knee surgery really upped my motivation for getting to a healthier shape.

25.Which worries turned out to be completely unnecessary?
When I first thought about buying my own place, I was absolutely concerned about the money. It turned out to be completely unnecessary because between my two jobs, I’m doing fairly well. My house was very cheap and I plan to renovate and remodel to increase the value.

26.What experience would you love to do all over again?
I know I’d love to NOT have an allergic reaction to a wasp ever again.

27.What was the best gift you received?
I got a projector for move nights. 🙂

28.How did your overall outlook on life evolve?
I think this sums it up.

29.What was the biggest problem you solved?
My living situation.

30.What was the funniest moment of your year, one that still makes it hard not to burst out laughing when you think about it?
I drove a couple guys home after my shift, but I was starving so I stopped at Burger King. Some stupid shit ensued. It still makes me laugh.

31.What purchase turned out to be the best decision ever?
Honestly, I bought mesh laundry bags, and I can’t believe I used to do laundry without them. #adulthood

32.What one thing would you do differently and why?
I don’t think I can answer this until I’ve really addressed the issue with my sister.

33.What do you deserve a pat on the back for?
Keeping my finances in order through almost two months without work.

34.What activities made you lose track of time?

35.What did you think about more than anything else?
It’s a toss up between my knee surgery and buying a house.

36.What topics did you most enjoy learning about?
Gambling. Haha. I do love bar conversations.

37.What new habits did you cultivate?
Walking almost every day.

38.What advice would you give your early 2017 self if you could?
Go to the doctor and get your knee looked at!

39.Did any parts of your self or your life do a complete 180 this year?
I was definitely less concerned about money in 2017. I just had better control of it (plus a little more of it). Also, my main financial goal changed from paying off my student loans to buying a house.

40.What or who had the biggest positive impact on your life this year?
I think this was my mom. She was supportive through all the sister drama and she helped me find a house and encouraged me to do it. She’s the best.

What do you want the overarching theme for your 2018 to be?
So last year, my theme was adventure, and that actually ended up pretty accurate. I think I would like my theme for this year to be relationships. Personal relationships, work relationships, familial relationships. One thing I’ve learned already this year is that living on my own gives me a little more push to be with friends. I’m so introverted so it’s rare for me to recognize that need, but I think it’s good that I want to spend more time with people.

What do you want to see, discover, explore?
Maine. Still Maine.

Who do you want to spend more time with in 2018?
I’m not sure. Maybe everyone.

What skills do you want to learn, improve or master?
The guitar has already been super helpful for me this year. I have been practicing almost every night to help me get through some stuff. It’s a great distraction, and people already love my voice so I would love to be able to play well.

Which personal quality do you want to develop or strengthen?

What do you want your everyday life to be like?
I have been working so hard on my morning routine the past couple of months. I truly feel like I’m making better habits. I hope to continue working on this part of my everyday life.

Which habits do you want to change, cultivate or get rid of?
STILL ACCURATE: I have some nervous habits I’m really trying to get rid of altogether. So hard to do.
What do you want to achieve career-wise?
I want to do things that have been talked about but never accomplished.
How do you want to remember the year 2018 when you look back on it 10/20/50 years from now?
I’d love to say I went on a great vacation or that I paid off my student loans or that I lost 40 lbs. I’d love to look back on 2018 and say I met my husband. I just hope I have good times to remember.
What is your number one goal for 2018?
To meet more people

valentine’s day 2018

I’m lonely, and that’s good because I’m still looking. I’m lonely and that’s good because I didn’t do something I regret. ‎I’m lonely, and that’s good because I’m working on myself. ‎I’m lonely, but I still love myself. ‎I’m lonely, but I’m still happy.

trip to nyc 4.28.2017

Trip number two of 2017: visiting Nancy and seeing Anastasia on Broadway.

Trip number two was a long time coming. I’m not a huge NYC fan, but I needed to see this show. Also, I hadn’t seen Nancy in maybe two-ish years. We bought tickets 4 months in advance for the opening week of Anastasia on Broadway . Nancy and I grew up on this movie and made everyone watch it for a Newman movie night in college. Obviously, we were ecstatic about it becoming a musical. So I drove to Jersey and stayed at her family’s house for the weekend. Nancy took me to some of her favorite restaurants. I got to chat with her family. We got pedicures too before we took the bus into the city – which is super affordable and super nauseating. I haven’t had motion sickness like that in a long while. It was worth it; the show was amazing. The set was beautiful. The characters were interesting. The music! The music was and is wonderful. We also found this neat salad chain called Chopt (which my company made glazed brick for several months later – so that’s cool). We went to the Central Park Zoo because I love zoos and will always pay to go watch animals all day long. Trip Rating: Excellent.

trip to boston 3.17.2017

Trip number one of 2017: St. Patrick’s Day weekend in Boston to see Dropkick Murphy’s.

This was the first trip of the year, and it was one that I wasn’t sure I wanted to make. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to save the money and go. I decided I would if we got a hotel and weren’t going to go too wild for St. Patrick’s. It was a perfect weekend trip. We got breakfast at a little corner shop and walked from there through Chinatown down to the Aquarium. We had a late lunch at an expensive seafood restaurant right on the water, then headed to the concert – which was awesome. On the way home we stopped at Howe Caverns which is as awesome now as it was when I was in eighth grade.



Currently Reading: The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. I started this in college and never finished it. I just bought a hardcover so I could restart it.

Currently Singing: True Colors by Justin Timberlake.

Currently Watching: Cheers…still. I’m half way through Season 2 of Stranger Things… finally, and I just saw The Last Jedi.

Currently Loving: The my knee seems a little better every day. I think I need to ice and elevate more than I am now, but my PT still thinks I’m doing very well.

Currently Celebrating: Christmas.

Currently Thinking: I could use a vacation.

Currently Worrying: That my car is going to need expensive repairs again. I’m not sure if I should put another grand into it or let it go.

Currently Hoping: That my financial assistance application will be processed soon for my medical expenses.

Currently Painting: Nothing… 😦

Currently Knitting: A big scarf that I’m not into any more.

Currently Crocheting: Nothing.

Currently Considering: What colors I am going to paint the rooms in my house once the sale finally closes.

Currently Hating: That with recovery of my knee has come weight gain… some muscle and some fat.

Currently Trying: To Bullet Journal more regularly and set daily goals and plans.

Currently Thankful for: My brother visiting.