something’s gotta give

Health and Weight Loss

I sometimes open my drafts to see what I had started writing in the past but never finished, and I almost always find something that I still have feelings about. Reading words I wrote seven years ago usually makes me laugh. So you can imagine that reading my blog makes me laugh a lot.

I picked this one titled, “Something’s Gotta Give” that I started when I was in college. I decided to stick with the original title, but I have so much to add to it. Below is what I had started writing:

Yesterday I was looking at swimsuits online, and I suddenly felt very sad that I didn’t have any reason to buy a new bathing suit this summer. I had planned on doing so as part of my new found usage of the fitness center. Long story, short, that hasn’t happened. The two modest suits I have work well enough for the swimming I do, but last night, it felt a little depressing that I had no one to try impress with a nice bathing suit. I’m like a middle-aged woman, hiding in my one piece. Immediately after I thought that, I regretted it. “Who cares?” I reasoned. “This is how I’ve been most of my life.” Really though, why would I have to impress anyone with a new bathing suit? I’m still sort of torn. In all honesty, my twenties have been boring thus far. Not that I feel entitled to a thrilling adventure full of laughter and love, I just want a little excitement. Maybe, a reason to buy a new suit for no reason.

These words, in particular, summarize how I’ve always felt about being a “thick girl.” I may have a mom-bod, but… I also kind of don’t give a shit. My weight has been up and down since puberty – weight gain with stress, weight loss with added exercise and nutrition.

Last April, I hit my heaviest weight after several months at my first desk job. I felt shitty, tired, bloated, etc. I started really trying again in July 2019, and struggled for a few months to find something that works.

Turns out, what works is to not quit and to keep trying new things. I have lost twenty pounds since August of 2019. I started seeing more results in the autumn. Honestly, autumn is more like my “New Year” than January 1. First, I added a walk at lunch when the weather cooled down. Then, I started counting calories. Then, I switched to keto for about 2-3 months. Whenever my weight loss stalled, I added another healthy behavior – things like an additional walk, fasting, strength training, or counting protein.

I set small goals and try to think about things in the long term. The plateaus were always tough. I tend to hold onto a number for 1-2 months before seeing a drop again. I feel so much better though, and even though I am not yet at my college weight, I am lighter than I was when I started my desk job. I also have confidence that I will keep seeing numbers I haven’t seen in years. It’s exciting for me. Maybe I will buy a swimsuit for no reason.

april goals

Here were my March goals.

  1. read 3 books <<I read 1 and started another>>
  2. lift three times a week for 20 minutes <<I did this for 2 out of 5 weeks>>
  3. finish knitting Mia’s scarf <<definitely made progress on, but not complete>>
  4. take more photos <<eh>>
  5. job search and read up on my field (potential fields too) <<eh>>
  6. find a new way to volunteer <</>>
  7. quit twirling my hair <</>>
  8. save money for summer trips (little to no spending)
  9. train/play with charlie every day <<eh>>
  10. lose 5 lbs. <<I lost 2 but then gained it back from lifting>>

I knew there was a reason I was heavy on the portion control and not on the exercise. I build muscle relatively quickly and an appetite to match. I hate to see my work in the kitchen backslide when my appetite becomes out of control when I’m exercising. However, I do feel much better having lifted the past two weeks. My body already feels stronger. I know that seems impossible, but I inherited some pretty awesome muscle building genes. 😛

On all points, March was not a great goal reaching month. Maybe I got a little ambitious.

April is going well so far. Our band has another gig this Friday. Hashtag excitement. Charlie and I have been having fun outside even with the snowy weather. I cannot wait until the weather gets a little nicer, and I can squeeze in some trout fishing. One good thing about March was that my summer vacation fund grew a bit, and I was able to put another $75 on my small loan so far. Baby steps.

  1. finish 2 books
  2. lift at least three times a week for 20 minutes
  3. finish knitting Mia’s scarf
  4. trout fish as much as possible
  5. sing more
  6. write more
  7. quit twirling my hair
  8. continue to save vacation money
  9. train/play with charlie every day
  10. lose 5 lbs. and/or a couple of inches all around

I’d like to take this month to focus on myself and less on how much money I do or don’t have. It’s hard when I really want to pay down debt. For right now, I’m doing everything I can, and I want to put more energy into my health and fitness and less on stressing about money I don’t have. So here’s to April!