something’s gotta give

Health and Weight Loss

I sometimes open my drafts to see what I had started writing in the past but never finished, and I almost always find something that I still have feelings about. Reading words I wrote seven years ago usually makes me laugh. So you can imagine that reading my blog makes me laugh a lot.

I picked this one titled, “Something’s Gotta Give” that I started when I was in college. I decided to stick with the original title, but I have so much to add to it. Below is what I had started writing:

Yesterday I was looking at swimsuits online, and I suddenly felt very sad that I didn’t have any reason to buy a new bathing suit this summer. I had planned on doing so as part of my new found usage of the fitness center. Long story, short, that hasn’t happened. The two modest suits I have work well enough for the swimming I do, but last night, it felt a little depressing that I had no one to try impress with a nice bathing suit. I’m like a middle-aged woman, hiding in my one piece. Immediately after I thought that, I regretted it. “Who cares?” I reasoned. “This is how I’ve been most of my life.” Really though, why would I have to impress anyone with a new bathing suit? I’m still sort of torn. In all honesty, my twenties have been boring thus far. Not that I feel entitled to a thrilling adventure full of laughter and love, I just want a little excitement. Maybe, a reason to buy a new suit for no reason.

These words, in particular, summarize how I’ve always felt about being a “thick girl.” I may have a mom-bod, but… I also kind of don’t give a shit. My weight has been up and down since puberty – weight gain with stress, weight loss with added exercise and nutrition.

Last April, I hit my heaviest weight after several months at my first desk job. I felt shitty, tired, bloated, etc. I started really trying again in July 2019, and struggled for a few months to find something that works.

Turns out, what works is to not quit and to keep trying new things. I have lost twenty pounds since August of 2019. I started seeing more results in the autumn. Honestly, autumn is more like my “New Year” than January 1. First, I added a walk at lunch when the weather cooled down. Then, I started counting calories. Then, I switched to keto for about 2-3 months. Whenever my weight loss stalled, I added another healthy behavior – things like an additional walk, fasting, strength training, or counting protein.

I set small goals and try to think about things in the long term. The plateaus were always tough. I tend to hold onto a number for 1-2 months before seeing a drop again. I feel so much better though, and even though I am not yet at my college weight, I am lighter than I was when I started my desk job. I also have confidence that I will keep seeing numbers I haven’t seen in years. It’s exciting for me. Maybe I will buy a swimsuit for no reason.

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