Awkward situation: last night someone asked me if I had a boyfriend. Why did this person think it was appropriate to ask me this? I will never know. She isn’t really a friend, per se (just someone from work); I guess she was just curious. When I said I didn’t have a boyfriend, had never had a boyfriend, she asked me if I had a girlfriend…
OH LORD! No. Not even close, no. NO.
I had to explain to her that the guys in high school just didn’t really appeal to me, that I came from a small town, and that the guys at my college didn’t seem to be very different either. I told her, in jest, that I liked older guys. Well adjusted, mature men ready to have babies, those are my kind of guys. I’m not actually looking for older men! I just generally have a tendency to be interested in them.
C’mon, look at that face!
C’mon, look at that face!
Okay, maybe Paul from Breakfast at Tiffany’s isn’t a perfect example of a well-adjusted male. I guess no one has everything together; he figures things out though! That is the important thing.
Anywho, she was all over the middle aged man thing, telling me she could take me out when I’m 21 and that she could introduce me to people. Seriously? She doesn’t know me! She shouldn’t assume I want her help finding a man, especially knowing her track record.
The subject got me thinking though. What is it that I want? I’m nineteen and have never had a boyfriend. Am I too picky? Am I not personable enough? Pretty enough? Unfortunately, it is really hard for me to make friends. In high school, I didn’t find a group I really fit into until senior year and the summer after. I don’t consider myself picky; I simply struggle with comfort level. I am shy, but I think I know how to have fun when I finally do get comfortable with people. Also, the more I think about it, I can’t imagine that it comes down to looks; not that I’m flattering myself, far from it; I think we all have insecurities and flaws. Looks cannot possibly matter that much when we all walk around with disproportionate noses and legs and chins; there is no such thing as perfection.
I know what I want, who I’m looking for. I am looking for my best friend. I know that, whoever it is, I will want to be with him all of the time. We’ll be able to talk for hours. I know this because there has been one man who I have been able to do this with, and well, he is a little older than me. I don’t want to embarrass him (I don’t think he reads this), but he is the bar I measure guys up to. I at least have an idea of how I would feel even if I have never been in a relationship. I know I’m looking for my other half; I just haven’t figured out how to find him.