Recently, I decided that I needed to approach my school work from a new perspective. I told myself to enjoy what I was reading and studying because I had gotten into the habit of complaining about and dreading my work (like most modern students).
This attitude change sort of stemmed from photography. I see a lot of inspiring, hipster-y stuff on Pinterest that makes me feel like I’m in the wrong place, that I’m not doing what I should be doing.
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To me these images represent the moments in life when we are actually complete human beings, and the images frustrated me because college is not at all romantic like this! How dare college be work! I don’t get to be outside as much as I want to, and I don’t own a cottage or cabin. I don’t have access to a bonfire for so many months! How am I supposed to be a person when I am constantly droning through books?
I decided the attitude described above was bad news. I have less than one year left of endless nights reading. I have one year left to act like an academic. I figured if I changed my attitude, my grades, as well as my spirit, would like me more for it. My new attitude involves romanticizing my nights staying up late reading obscure books and forcing myself to find interest in what I’m working on.
But today, my attitude got slapped in the face by a score on my mid-term that was a full 9 points lower than my absolute lowest expectation for this exam. I had studied and I enjoyed studying the material, and I thought I had that test in the bag.
Well, the bag was empty.
After I got my test back, I had office hours, which I spent keeping myself busy and on task. By gol, I was going to get stuff done and be successful at something today, but I as inwardly panicking. Even as I write this, I feel like I am on the verge of an emotional breakdown. What’s the point of learning to love my work and get involved if I’m not going to see any rewards?
At some point this afternoon though, I said to myself “Hannah, there are several things about today that are pretty great, so how about you focus on those.” So I started a list, and now I’m going to stretch it out to a list of 10 things that I was blessed with today.
1. I opened my package from Poshmark; my new boat shoes arrived. 2. I got a reimbursement check that was twice the amount I anticipated. 3. I wore a flannel and scarf today. 4. I finished my assignments for my 2:10 class. 5. I had time to eat breakfast this morning. 6. I had Windows 8.1 installed on my laptop – which is now running quite smoothly. 7. I took care of a lot of things today at work. 8. My lunch wrap was tasty. 9. I get to write a poem for class tomorrow. 10. I have 2 New Girl episodes to watch.
I am also going to keep imagining that my life is like this all day long…
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…because it kind of is, whether or not I am academically successful in the end.