Me jealous?

Maybe a lot.

“Freaking out” is a rather intense phrase that rarely applies to me though. More like “inwardly dizzy and panicky.” 

#introvertproblems

But here’s what happened: Last week. I started training a new girl to replace me, and I had to try to impart all my pool maintaining knowledge onto her. I suddenly felt jealous of her taking on my job! I’m probably the only one to ever feel that way about this job.

I mean really, I clean up after people for almost 12 straight hours.

I attribute these feelings to the many days in the past few weeks where I felt inspired while working. I think being outside, working my body, and keeping a peaceful mind helped motivate me. When I’m outside in the beautiful weather not even pulling 18 dirty mats around can hinder my positivity. This encouraging spirit brought me back to the job for three years, and now I wonder if I’ll get another chance to work outside.  

I dread missing my coworkers and my personal reading time too!  I wonder where I’ll be this time next summer. I question the academic decisions I’ve made in college, and above all I pray that God will help me in the days to come. 

Hopefully, this summer job will be beneficial as I graduate and enter the workforce. I know I’ve learned more about myself and my potential as a worker. I’ve become confident and honest. I know what my weaknesses are, and I want to work on them and do better. 

Most importantly though, I’m trying to come to grips with the fact that this era of my life can be officially over if I choose it to be. When next summer rolls around I want to make the best decision for me. In my head I’m weighing a couple of options for life after college. On the one hand, a summer job could set me up financially for a trip abroad volunteering. On the other hand, I recognize that part of me wants to hold on to what is familiar and safe for just a little whole longer.

So much to think about, so little time; or, perhaps I’m over thinking…yet again.

Love more,

Hannah