10 months

Work is overwhelming me a little bit, and even though I told myself I was not going to stress about money and “career” and instead focus on my health and wellness, I’ve been slowly building up my stress levels again.

At the end of this month, I will have worked ten months at my current job. My previous job only lasted ten months-after having started to die inside after only about four months. Now here I am starting to fight the “death inside” feeling again.

A week ago, I told my coworker that the atmosphere at work was feeling negative and that I was fighting it. There’s no way I’m letting their energy consume me too. For me, staying positive at work means thinking about all the places I could end up in a couple of years-all the things I could do or see. Last Tuesday went along much the same. I was living in the present while enjoying the little flicker of hope that change can happen at any minute. I was really productive after work and felt really good about a trip I’m planning for May.

THEN, Wednesday hit me like a freight train. Between customers, suppliers, dealers, marketing reps, personnel drama, etc., an introvert like me can get eaten alive in a factory work setting. I decided that I need to actually start looking for my prime location. I have been saying that I’m going to research states and cities and find where I’m meant to be, but I haven’t done much.

After work, I took Charlie to the dam to try to make things better, but he wasn’t having a great day. We had to walk a bit before we got over that. We came home. I made a fire and stared at it waiting for God to tell me if I’m on the right track (I didn’t hear an answer). I ate dinner, and then I started researching and looking at maps. I started this post in a bad emotional state, feeling upset and tired. Then after scrolling through cities and maps, I just felt better.

I have a one year from now plan. I’m going to stick to it. I think it’s good, and honestly, for the most part, I’m happy. I am happy except for when other people make me feel like I shouldn’t be happy- like when my brother or sister says something rude about my degree or my grandma insists on handing me information on the jobs available in the school system, or a friend talks about her school counseling program like college is the end all be all of life decisions. All those people make me so frustrated. They make me feel inadequate. They make me feel like I messed up. They make me want to get a job I hate just so I can put on airs about my success and happiness. So to everyone saying I can’t or I won’t or  I shouldn’t, please don’t, just go home and spend some time considering that other people find happiness in walking a dog and fishing the river and hanging driftwood on their bedroom wall.

first fish of 2016

Sunday around 2:45, I decided to take my cousin, Brody, to the river to try to bring some trout home. Charlie came with us and was very confused as to why he couldn’t go after the bait himself. I think it was maybe 36 degrees. I wasn’t sure whether the river had been stocked yet, but I caught a nice 13 inch trout in after only a couple of casts. Brody was pumped-and nice enough to take a photo for me. Charlie wanted to know what the heck the fish was doing flopping around in the grass.

I used a brown and red spinner to pull the first fish in, but Brody’s bright green spinner didn’t weigh as much. He struggling to cast it so we switched rods. We walked the river bank for two hours and didn’t get any more fish, not one. Apparently, the river is not stocked yet, and I caught the lone survivor of last year’s release. Brody was such a trooper and very cold by the time he had had enough.

I did bring my catch home. He was too nice to pass up on those fillets. I used this video tutorial to fillet him. Hopefully, the river is stocked very soon. This past weekend was supposed to be the last of cold the weather. It’s downhill from here! Here are my mental notes from the mini fishing trip though.

  1. I should have worn my rubber boots.
  2. A net would be handy but it’s not absolutely necessary.
  3. It’s cold. Where gloves.
  4. I should bring a stringer next time.
  5. I really need to invest in some women’s outdoorsy pants.

I’d love to find pants that are brush resistant and waterproof but fit like a jogger. Most hunting and fishing clothes are tailored better for men.Yesterday, I was out there in my purple Maurice’s jeggings, The North Face winter hiking boots, Field & Stream Hoodie, Columbia fishing vest, and a crocheted headband. I was quite the fisherman.